The Adventures of Duke Hoof'em
by Thunderstarwarp
Summary: Duke Hoof'em  Nukem  makes his move in Ponyville and his target is the Mane six.  Think Johnny Bravo .
1. Applejack

The Adventures of

Duke Hoof'em Episode 1

By: Thunderstarwarp

The Gala was an annual event for all for all of Equestria. However, only a select few can go for the annual event by invitation. This year was the first for the Mane six, and all of them were excited and all for different reasons. Applejack wanted to raise money for some necessary improvements around the farm, Rainbow Dash wanted to meet the Wonderbolts in person, Fluttershy wanted to see the garden, and so fourth.

Princess Celestia over looked the event herself watching everything unfold. She invited many and all of them were renowned for there tasks. Twilight and the mane six was there for there accomplishment of stopping Nightmare Moon. Others were there who have done special tasks for the Princess but it was recognized that Twilight earned hers. The only one who rivaled them was a single Stallion named Duke Hoof'em.

Duke was a black stallion earth pony with a blond shave top mane with sunglasses. His cutie mark was a nuclear symbol. Like usual he was wearing a red shirt with grenade launcher shells around his neck. Also like usual he had a holster on one of his forelegs that contained a golden Colt 1911, engraved was his Cutie Mark. There was also a wire that was out that Duke pulled that fired the gun on command.

Duke is from Amareica (No, its spelled right just look at it), best known for being the savoir of the planet many times for Alien invaders of Equestria. What many residences of Equestria don't know is that magic doesn't work often on those who are not of Equestria so even Celestia couldn't do much, and that is where Duke stepped in. He was the one Pony to bring any alien invaders to their knees. This includes Pigs, Xernomorphs, Cybertronians, Tamerians, Cornerians, and so forth.

Duke was currently alone acting much like a security guard even though he really was never assigned to such a thing. Usually he would be the Stallion he is and try to get with one or more Mares but he was smart enough to know that none of the ones that were invited would be like that. If he was going to get a mare, he'd have to try harder and impress them, and saying he was a savior wouldn't cut, it would have to be more personal.

He walked around looking for something where he may have some luck. After walking around for an hour he noticed an orange mare with green eyes trying to sell apple based products with little success. He looked at it from a distance and saw that this was probably the best it was going to get. Not that he didn't find the mare attractive; it was more like he usually liked to get multiple mares.

But he wasn't one to not appreciate whatever he can get so he decided to just take what he can get and just see where it can go. He immediately walked over to her stand and started to see what she had.

"Hey babe, how about some apple fritters." The stallion asked the orange mare.

The orange pony turned to him "Really, it's about time! No one has even taken a look at my stand."

"Hmm, how come?" Duke asked actually legitimately curious.

"Ah don't know. Ah guess no one likes apples here…" she seemed clearly discouraged but did give him a few apple fritters as he pulled out a few bits to pay for them.

"Thanks, names Duke Hoof'em by the way." He introduced.

"Duke Hoof'em?" the mare question "Oh! Ah've heard of you! You saved Equestria a few times back in Amareica few years ago. Ah didn't even know you were here."

The stallion smirked as he ate three of them in one bite "I go where I please…and I please where I go."

"Come again?" she said glaring at him.

Duke backed down seeing that it wouldn't be as easy as he thought. "Ah, thanks…um…"

"Applejack, if you're all curious." Obviously this line wasn't missed by her and this wasn't going anywhere near as easy as he thought.

He quickly ate the other fritters he purchased and left the stand. This wasn't going to be easy as he thought. So he decided to do something he thought he wouldn't do in a long time, actually come up with a strategy and not just gunning it. He had little to go one but he was sure that he could come up with something he could work with.

"She did say she had little business…I can change that." And with that the Stallion smirked. He knew he'd also have to do something that he wasn't experienced that well either…being subtle about it. He would have to do it from a distance, not necessarily in front of her.

So the Stallion began looking for anyone who wasn't particularly busy. Eventually he found a well dressed brown stallion with a hammer cutie mark just looking around the festivities "Hey."

"Excuse me?" The stallion said facing the much larger stallion, which did intimate him.

"Have you ever had any of those Apple pies at the stand there?" Duke said motioning it with his head.

Stallion looked to see what he was talking about and then turned back to him "Um…no I'm not really in the mood for-"

"I outta break my hoof off in your ass!" the much larger stallion yelled at him and intimating the stallion even further.

"S-Sir…I…um" the stallion trembled as the much larger stallion got closer.

"Go buy some pies…" he ordered slowly.

The stallion didn't need to be told twice as he immediately went over and from a distance Duke watched the whole thing from there and the stallion was quite aware of that. From there Duke saw him buy two pies and with that he walked away to find another customer for Applejack.

In a few minuets he ran into a high class mare, who was attractive but Duke was smart enough to know that he wouldn't have a chance with her so he merely decided to get to the point "Evening miss" Duke said in a polite but still 'Duke' manner of tone.

"Oh, evening sir." The blue mare said kind of appalled by the dress code he was wearing considering the occasion. "Have you tried some of them fritters at the stand?"

The mare only raised a brow "Excuse me? I have no interest in apples as of late so-"

"How about a bonus?" Duke said trying to see where he can go with this.

"Excuse me?"

"How about I pay for them?" It really was all he could think of aside from asking her to take her to bed. It really wasn't anything he couldn't afford; Duke is one of the richest ponies in all of Equstria after all.

"Um…that would be nice but-" with that Duke shoveled out a few bits out from his pouch that was by his 1911 and tossed the coins.

"Um…thank you…" surprisingly she did go get some apple fritters that Duke gave to her. After admiring her flank, he left to go find another.

He went into the garden area where there few ponies admiring it, especially the yellow pegasus that was flying about. Duke was going to ask her but then saw another rich looking stallion and decided to go with him instead. He was larger than the last stallion but Duke was still far larger than he was. He was a blue colored unicorn with star cutie mark looking at some flowers.

"Excuse me sir." The stallion said rudely walking past Duke before he could even say anything.

"Hey, where you think you're going?" Duke growled.

"I was going out of this garden. I must say I'm far unimpressed."

"How will apples appeal to yah?" Duke asked trying to get rid of getting pissed off.

"I can't stand the stuff. How any pony likes them is beyond me."

Duke decided a more direct approach "They're pretty good. All the way from Ponyville."

"Such a condition…I said no! Wanna fight about it?" the stallion threaten the larger while glowing his horn.

While his eyes were covered with his sunglasses, his brows showed he was glaring at the unicorn which actually intimated him "I'm not going to fight you, I'm going to hoof your ass!"

Duke then jumped toward him and did a double hoof to this face with his back legs forcing the unicorn to the air and hitting him into a tree, shocking a few ponies. "You're going to buy some apples right?"

The unicorn used his forelegs to rub his jaw and smiled nervously and nodded before running inside to get some apple based products. Duke smirked and got back down to work.

The rest of the night consisted of Duke looking for ponies that weren't busy and forcing them, one way or another to by something from Applejack's stand. So he had to force or intimidate but others were more than willing to do so. Some were willing just because it was Duke himself, due to popularity and the fact he has saved the world several times himself.

After a couple hours, Duke managed to clean out all of Applejack's baked goods and other apple based products and it was all thanks to him. And Duke was planning on getting that thanks…

The black stallion walked over to the empty stand where the orange mare was cleaning up. "Sorry Duke, I'm all sold out." Duke was about to say something but she flashed a knowing smile "Now you didn't hav ta go out do all that yah know."

Duke was somewhat surprised "But how did you know?"

The orange mare chuckled "hmph, if you know whut subtle means. You'd be able to fool me." Duke only crocked his neck "But Ah appreciate it. This should at least be enough to pay for Granny's hip and maybe the plow for 'ol Macintosh."

Duke then made his move "So, you want me to come your place or you come to mine?"

"Ah beg yur pardon?"

* * *

><p>Alright this is going to be the first in a where Duke Hoof'em will attempt to get with all of them will limited success. This also may go on co-operating with another MLP story I'm writing but I'll warn if that is the case. Well hope you enjoy.<p> 


	2. Princess Celestia

**(Stars Dashing: PRINCESS CELESTIA)**

After the attack on Ponyville, many pony citizens were being taken care of except for the action hero stallion Duke Hoof'em. His injuries were minor, nothing he's never gotten before and he was ready to go back into action. It was recognized by a few ponies that the equipment he used against the invaders was the only thing to have a major affect against them. So, as Princess Luna was given the throne to rule while Celestia was healing, she informed her sister that she was informed that his weapons was something they may need to fight of the invaders. With that information, she requested his presence to see these weapons and he agreed.

Duke was currently with the Captain of the guards who was currently overlooking the assortments of firearms that he had brought to show them on a long table. They were in armory of the castle and it was covered with 'dated' weaponry for them, so the Captain was surprised to see such weapons brought before him.

"So, Hoof'em" the white unicorn with gold armor began "Where did you obtain such advanced…unusual weapons?"

Duke merely shrugged a bit "This isn't the first time aliens came to Equestria. In Amareica aliens came all the time." The Captain looked at him skeptically "After kicking their asses I took their guns and modified them so I could use them."

"So…you don't have anymore?" the Captain asked.

Duke smirked "No, but I'm sure you can make more."

"Perhaps a duplication spell or maybe manufacturing some, we only have a week and I was hoping we could outfit the entire army with them."

"I'll let you keep them for now." He began "I'll need them back when it's time."

"I'm sure we can get a few made then. I just hope we can make enough, since magic, our prime defense is currently useless."

Duke was already walking out the door while he was talking. By the time he made it to the door he quickly. Duke really was supposed to be leaving but since no one was available to take him back to Ponyville, he decided to make his stay at the castle. Not that he had permission really, he merely doing so because he felt like it. Again, there was no way for him to get home so it's not like he didn't have a choice.

So the stallion walked down the hallway whistling (Duke Nukem fans know what he's whistling). After a moment walking down the hallway he was confronted by two guards who were guarding two large elaborate doors.

"Back away!" One of the guards yelled at him.

"What the hay's your problem?" Duke asked.

"No one is to see the Princess. She's currently recovering from her injuries!" The guards explained.

Duke was going to say something about the Princess's 'needs' but decided to hold his tongue for a change. It was then that one of the guards realized who he was. "Oh my Celestia, you're Duke Hoof'em!"

The black stallion smirked "Hail to the King Baby!"

"Duke Hoof'em?" The other guard asked confused.

"Yeah, he's a hero back in Amareica! In fact he's one of the ones to drive back those over sized bolt buckets!"

Duke enjoyed the praise but it was starting to annoy him at the same time. Really he was hoping to get some kinda 'action' tonight considering ever since he came to Ponyville he hasn't gotten this 'action' he was hoping to get. He was hoping perhaps the many mare maids would be willing but they were all resting for the time being.

He groaned annoyed since the guard still wasn't done praising him. Praising him…this gave him an idea. "Which is why I am taking over your shift."

The guards looked confused "Taking over our shift?"

"Since I seemed to be the only one who could kick their asses, the Captain told me too look over the Princess till she fully recovers…and that I can guarantee." He added the end there raising both brows.

"Well I guess that makes sense. We'll tell the Captain." One guard said while the other followed.

"He told me to tell you that your shift is over. I'll watch over the Princess for the night." Duke added.

"Alright! Night off! Thanks Duke." And with that the two guards left and Duke smirked.

He stood by the door for a few moments to ensure no one was around. Eventually the lights around the palace dimmed and there were very few guards on patrol so that all worked out for him. After about fifteen minuets and was satisfied that he was in the clear, he decided to make his move. He turned to the door and put his hoof on it only to be intercepted by another hoof. Duke turned around to see a white Unicorn in a formal prince garb and combed back blond mane.

"What do you think you are doing?" the unicorn snobbishly asked.

"Who the hay are you?" Duke asked back turned completely toward the unicorn who wasn't as big as Duke but was a little bigger than most stallions.

"I am the many Great nephew of Princess Celestia, Prince Blueblood." He said proudly to which Duke merely raised a brow "And I ask how is a mere common Earth pony is doing here and also about to intrude on the Princess?"

"Common Earth Pony?" Duke questioned, merely to humor the snobbish unicorn.

"I doubt you are of royal blood or understand the high class of things." The Prince explained.

"I'm taking over her security. These guards suck." Duke said smirking while pulling out a lit cigar from the side took puff, blowing into the Prince's face.

The prince coughed from the smoke "Extinguish that vile death stick!" Duke merely put the cigar to the side. "And I'll have you know that I personally selected those guards to protect her."

"They suck."

"How dare you say such a thing about any of my processions!" Even Duke thought that was pretty messed up. Even he referred to mares as ponies and not his possessions.

"Don't get your panties all in a bunch. Listen, I was the only one being able to kick those machines asses, so I'm looking over the Princess."

"While you accomplishments may be significant, I assure you any pony of my stature could have done the same if not better." The unicorn gloated.

"Blow it out your ass!" Duke said starting to get annoyed.

"I'll have you know that I am not without great power! Unlike some unicorns, I possess great magic, something that a mere Earth Pony would never understand."

"Magic is for pussies."

"Now you're crossing a dangerous line commoner!"

"You're pissing me off."

It was then the unicorn was starting to get at his wits end about this stallion. He was nothing but a common Earth pony and he was insulting right in his very face. How dare he! "You have crossed that line commoner! I will alert the guards to remove you from-"

It was then that he was greeted with a fine hoof to the face that literally made him fly down the hall a bit. The unicorn looked up to see the stallion approaching him "Your face, your ass, what's the difference?"

The unicorn, despite being in more pain than he's ever been exposed to before, glared at the pony "How dare you use vulgarity of such an extreme magnitude in this palace."

"Now I'm really pissed off! Get out and let me do my job!" Duke growled. He could tell that this snobbish prince was long passed scared of him but his determination to be better than any Earth pony was keeping from leaving. Knowing this, he decided to step it up.

"I'll-" before the white stallion could say anything he was bucked hard by the black stallion making him fly even further than before. The Unicorn actually lost all his strength from the blow but before he could say anything, Duke put a hoof on his chest "Unlike you, I'm an equal opportunity ass kicker!" The unicorn had nothing to say as he pressed his hoof down further "Now let me take care of this."

The unicorn snobbishly released himself from under his hoof and started back away as soon as he was on his hoofs "Now quite wasting my time!" And with that outburst he was finally able started to run out of the hall, knowing full well that he couldn't stand up to whatever the stallion could do.

"Damn that was annoying." Duke added with a huff before making his way back to Celestia's chamber. When he approached the door, he slowly opened as not to disturb the sun Alicorn from her needed slumber. If he was actually going to get lucky with the Princess he would have to get her, while she was totally unconscious and vulnerable.

He slowly walked toward her, while switching his sunglasses to 'Duke Vision' to see in total darkness. As he walked closer toward the white Alicorn, being as stealthy as possible trying to get in the massive bed to get his current most wanted desire. He quietly lifted the sheet and got extremely close to the Princess. "Damn, I'm good."

Just as he was getting close to make his move, Alicorn's eyes shot open and immediately glared at the Earth Pony that was getting dangerously close to her.

"Son of a bitch." Duke uttered before Celestia pushed him out with her hoof. Despite being injured she still had a reasonable amount of strength. Duke was about to say something in defense but Celestia immediately got a magical hold on the Earth Pony and threw him out in the hallway into a nearby wall, leaving an indent in the wall.

"Okay I'll admit that was a dumb idea…"

* * *

><p>Yeah, took some time...by the way this is in continuity with my Stars Dashing story, so that is to explain the beginning.<p> 


	3. Rarity

**Valentines Day Special: Rarity**

It was Hearts and Hooves Day in Ponyville and the saying 'love was in the air' was taking place. Many ponies were with their special somepony and expressing their care for one another. It was earlier morning and the markets were full in the streets. Many stallions and mares were looking for a gift and other items for their special somepony.

And in the middle of all the early morning ruckus was their alien defender; Duke Hoof'em. Duke (like any other day) was looking for a mare for him to get together with. Ever since he came to Ponyville, he was never able to find a mare that was interested in him. Granted his popularity was mostly in Amareica since he saved the world many times from invasions, for some reason only happened in Amareica, excluding the incident with Cybertronians awhile ago back.

"So many babes…so little time."

Duke walked through the motion crowd trying to find the mare that would be standing out, looking for that special stallion. And he was going to make sure he was that special stallion. After about twenty minuets, he decided to take a break and went to a stand selling apples. It was a simple cart full of apples and apple treats and he sure could use a little something to eat.

"I'll have two apples baby." He smirked as he said it as he noticed a mare with a hat over her face.

"Ah reckon you remember who yur talking to?" A familiar voice said.

Duke's eyes went wide behind his sunglasses when he heard the voice. The mare looked up to face him and had a grin but turned quickly into an annoyed look.

"Ah crap…" was a Duke said.

"Yah here to try an get me inta bed with yah again?" Applejack glared remembering her pervious encounter with Duke at her stand.

"Um…no. Actually, I didn't recognize-"

"Ah'm just joking with ya…But Ah am serious about keeping me out of yur list Duke!" She said but her annoyed look turned into her everyday smile she wore when selling apples.

"…right…" Duke could tell that she wasn't lying.

"So ya want them apples or what?"

"I asked from them didn't I?" Duke said with grinning as he tossed the proper amount of bits to her and she gave them the two apples he asked for.

"So what are ya'll looking for in the market anyway?" Applejack asked as Duke began eating the apples that he was holding in his hoof.

He swallowed the bit of fruit in his mouth "I looking for the unavailable. The mares that can't keep their hoofs off me."

"Ah should've known." She said rolling her eyes "Well reckon Ah should give yah luck then. But yah really should be looking someplace else. Most ponies here in Ponyville are-" it was that this point she noticed that Duke wasn't even facing her anymore. She was about to retort something about when she realized exactly what Duke was looking at.

Not far from them was a stand selling fabrics and there was her purple mane white unicorn friend looking feverously at the variety of different cloths. She smirked. "Hey, Duke why don't yah go talk to her?" Duke turned to face her "I'm sure she'll be interested in a large stallion like yurself."

Duke smirked "What mare wouldn't be?" this was responded with a bored look from Applejack to which he cleared his throat to "Right."

"Just go offer yah services, Ah'm sure she'll warm up to yah in an instant." Applejack said to which Duke finished his apples and disposed of them. He chuckled and walked toward her. Applejack snickered "This outta be good…"

_-MY GUN'S BIGGER THAN YOURS-_

"Oh, this won't due… or perhaps I should look at…" Rarity was babbling with herself looking at a variety of different fabrics. The blue unicorn stallion with a needle and thread cutie mark was waiting patiently as he could as she was talking amongst herself about which cloth she should go with. She held the two fabrics with her magic and was trying to decide which to go with.

"Hmm…well the glitter would definitely keep the attention but perhaps it will draw to much attention to the eye hmm…"

"Sometimes that's what they want." A rough voice said behind her.

The white unicorn turned her around to see the black stallion standing behind her. She took a step back due to the size of the stallion that was kind of intimidating but regained her composure in little time.

"Oh, I apologize for my reaction. I just didn't expect somepony else's opinion." Rarity said to the large stallion. At the sight, she really didn't know what to say about his opinion. The only attire he wore was a red shirt and sunglasses. And his mane was in her eyes was atrocious, perhaps a modern fashion but not her cup of tea. Although she had to admit the stallion did seem to have a charm to him.

"Oh sorry darling, I didn't catch your name?" she asked politely as she could.

"My name's Duke Hoof'em." he said with a grin.

"Mr. Hoof'em, I appreciate your input but I think that I can safely choose-" Rarity was cut off.

"Ah, but it'd be an honor to serve Miss…um…"

"Rarity. Well, I suppose a stallion with such an impressive physic can aid me in all my affairs today. Such a busy schedule, especially with today's festivities on top of all that." The unicorn mused for a moment and decided that perhaps he could be useful. "Well, I suppose I can use your help Mr. Hoof'em."

'Damn, I'm good.' The stallion thought. Just do a few minor services to make her happy and she'd repay him, it was a simple plan.

It was then he felt a saddle was placed upon his back "What the-" he looked at the saddle and then turned back to Rarity and noticed her glowing horn dying down.

"Oh did I startle you? My deepest apologies, I feel that you will need this."

Duke only crooked his neck. Carrying things, no big deal, he carried heavy firearms on a regular basis so this should be an easy feat for the action hero.

"Now then, back to the fabrics." Rarity turned back to the two fabrics she was looking at before. "Hmm…well the glitter would keep their attention, but perhaps the stallion is for basic attraction. Hmm…"

"Ah Come on, choose the glitter and let's move on." Duke said under his breath, trying to maintain his frustration.

Within 10 minuets Rarity finally made her choice with the glitter cloths. "Well, took good amount of time but I do think we are making adequate timing don't you think darling?"

"Of course lady Rarity…" Duke said with a forced smile trying his hardest to keep his mouth shut about what he really wanted.

"Now then, I really should be looking for some new threads, and perhaps some more needles for the" Duke's mind at this point went blank.

"This better be worth it…"

After four hours of continuous shopping for all sorts of items that pertained to her occupation, Duke's load was getting much heavier than he was expecting. On a regular basis he walked about with a handgun and when the things got dangerous he carried a Shotgun and a Rocket Launcher. And he could run and jump with that. The saddles were forcing the stallion to take it easy. They were stuffed to the point where a lot of things were popping out. And holding these things for an extended period of time was hurting on the pony.

"And now for the final job before I head home." Rarity said as they continued walking.

'Thank Celestia…' he thought.

Duke the entire time was keeping his muzzle shut since the whole point of this venture to get with this mare starting to get less and less appealing. The two of them went outside of Ponyville to the more mountainous area close to Evergreen Forest.

"Now what the hay are we doing here?" Duke said annoyed of the trip he just went on and seemed like for nothing.

"Oh, sorry, see usually I have somepony, or dragon rather, else to help me with this. But since you're here I thought that you can do this to." Duke said nothing but his blond eyebrow was twitching. "We're now gem hunting."

"Alright, I've had enough." Duke said to himself before removing the saddles off his back and started his way back.

"Yes, gem hunting. Duke darling, would you be as so kind as to-" it was then she noticed the stallion taking off the saddles. "Duke what are you-"

"I'm done with this crap." And with that he starts his way back to Ponyville.

"Well, I must say that is quit rude. And just to think I was enjoying your company on this Hearts and Hooves Day." Rarity said, mostly to herself since Duke tuned her out and was already a few yards away.

"Very well then, it seems I have to do this on my own." The unicorn reasoned and with that she activated her spell and started to locate the gems hidden within the ground. Since she was very much against getting dirty she was taking her time with her roof to try and dig out the gems from there.

"There she is"

"Who said that? Duke?" Rarity turned around to see a bundle of bushes there within the wooded area. "Hmm, I know I am not crazy...Very well, I'll just continue."

"Get her!" She turned and was immediately was caught by a large dog and was caught with in the grip.

"Oh, you again. Really wasn't last time enough to teach you a lesson!" Rarity said trying to get out of Fido's grip.

"Well this time we have you under control and" he pulled out a rope and tightly put it over her muzzle making sure that speech was next to impossible and a bit painful. And it worked Rairty could hardly talk. All that could be heard was little mumbles. "We'll make sure you're muzzle's shut!"

Rover snickered "Excellent, now get her back to the mine, we should be-"

"Get you're pawls off her."

The three dogs turned to see the black stallion from before return with a cigar. All of them glared at them "And who are you?"

"I've got myself a mare in distress." He smirked as he blew smoke out from the side of his mouth.

"The Pony is ours now! Leave us alone."

Rarity continued to struggle to get out of the grip from the large dog as Duke got closer to them. She then noticed the fairly large handgun on the side on his leg…she didn't notice that before.

"Spot, get him!" The dog went to the much larger stallion. He jumped toward him and was bucked hard making him fly all the way back to his group.

"I outta break a broom handle off in your ass!" Duke stated. Fido let go of Rarity, who quickly taken a hold of by Rover. Fido jumped into the air but was shot in the chest and was forced back down. "Say hello to my little friend."

Fido tried to get up only to be knocked out by Duke's large hoof. He walked closer to a intimated Rover and holding onto Rarity. "Back away!"

"You talking to me?" Duke said as he was getting less than a foot away from him. The dog finally scratched his face and tried to back way. The stallion growled "You're going to die for that…"

Duke fired his handgun twice, pulling his hoof down and both went into the back and they fell to the ground weakened from the force of the firearm.

Rarity got away from the dogs grip and used her magic and removed the rope from her mouth "Now that was rude, tightening her mouth shut not to able to get a voice out." She then huffed and started walk away from him and made her way to Duke "And you" Duke smirked "While I thank you for putting me out of harms way, I must say that the force you used was quite excessive."

"You've gotta be kidding me." Duke said annoyed with his smirk disappearing.

"I mean, I understand such methods are necessary sometimes but don't you think that-"

"For crying out loud, they're not dead, I'm sure they'll be fine. Don't they have medical dogs or something…"

"Perhaps, but don't you that maybe utilizing a more efficient-"

"Oh to hell with this!" Duke immediately started walking back to town.

"And don't you…wait Duke, who will help me with my things!

* * *

><p>Not my favorite in the Duke Hoof'em series but I think it is okay.<p> 


	4. Rainbow Dash

**[Post Stars Dashing] Rainbow Dash**

It was another bright beautiful day in Ponyville. The small town had finally recovered from the horrible attack made by the Decepticons. But within a month and a half, the town was back to its former glory. Everypony was going back to their usual happy routines that was normal for them before the attack.

However, Duke was actually not doing his usual browsing for a mare. Instead, he decided to just enjoy a show for once. After being here for almost half a year now and getting no luck on getting a mare, he decided he should find something else to preoccupy his time. He didn't need a job thanks to the casino he had back in Amareica and the incentives from the governments (Equestia and Amareica) for his work saving them, so he always seemed to have spare bits.

So in order to actually have some satisfaction in coming to Ponyville, he decided to watch the Wonderbolts new air show in the town. It was just a small group of them performing fairly amazing tricks in the air as well as working with special effects. It was all in an attempt to raise money for charity. All of them were in the park, sitting on blankets with food with their special somepony or just with friends or alone.

Duke himself was fairly entertained but he felt the explosions in the sky and the other special effects seem to be distracting, if only because it made him want to go kick some alien butt, or at least that's what it reminded him off. But after half an hour of this, it started to loose its appeal very quickly.

"Okay, this is starting to drag." Duke said to himself looking away from the air. "Maybe I can find me an available mare?" he said with a smirk looking for a lone mare.

At first it seemed all for naught. None of them were alone. Most of them were with their colt friends or they had a friend that was a colt. He figured there was at least one he could get with real quick within a short time frame. He wasn't even looking for the whole shebang anymore. Just getting a simple kiss would be enough for him right now.

The lone stallion continued to brows through the mares hoping to find just one alone. It almost seemed pointless. The park was full and despite the fact that this was a free show and was raising money via donations, it was fairly packed and it was similar to finding a needle in a haystack.

"Oh for crying out loud. I would have better luck at a colt only gentlecolt's club." He said to himself annoyed at this revelation.

"Okay, tell Twilight I said hi!" a voice said. Duke turned to a cyan rainbow mane female pegasus currently facing the other direction. She was waving at a pony walking away but his attention was not on the pony she was waving at.

"Hmm…" Duke smirked as she turned around and just continued to watch the air show. "It looks like I'm not going alone after all."

The black stallion made his approach to the light blue pegasus just watching in awe as he took a seat down next to her. The two just sat there and after about a minuet with no type of interaction, which annoyed Duke and he just cleared his throat.

The mare finally reacted to seeing the large stallion beside her. "Oh…um…hello?" the rainbow mane pegasus said wondering what he was doing here.

"Hey, babe what's you name?" he smirked moving his muzzle a little closer to her.

The mare got annoyed really quick with this guy "Rainbow Dash" she said not hiding her annoyance what so ever "Nice to meet you again Duke…"

Duke raised a brow and then remembered that this was one of the mares that he was with when they combated the Decepticons that invaded Ponyville not too long ago. "Oh, looks like I'm remembered."

"Not fondly." She said rolling her eyes. Really she didn't have much of an opinion on the stallion really. The time she met him, there really wasn't any time for the two to socially get to know each other. All she really learned about him was that he was a hero back in Amareica and that Rarity told her to keep an eye on him.

"So enjoying the show?" he said trying not to be too direct.

"Um yeah, at least I was." She was grumbled the last part.

"Which one's you favorite?"

"I don't know. Maybe Soarin or Spitfire."

"What's-"

"Do you want anything Duke?" clearly getting a little more than just being annoyed.

"What? A guy can't talk to a mare anymore?" He stood up and started to walk around the mare "Surely, we can agree on something about us?"

Rainbow didn't look convinced "And that is?"

Duke smirked "That I am Celestia's gift to mares!"

Rainbow rolled her eyes and with a smug chuckle "Yeah right!" she then took the blanket and she was sitting on and put it over herself to go find another spot to not get annoyed.

"Now don't be that way." Duke said prodding her even further "Surely you like what you see?"

"I DID like what I saw when I was looking into the air! Now leave me alone!" Rainbow growled.

He let the mare go and started to think about all the things that had occurred. He would have to try a different strategy to get this one. He met up with sorts of different mares in Amareica and many he let go but this time he was going to get this one. "Hmm…perhaps a more aggressive approach is necessary."

About fifteen minuets later Rainbow Dash found a vacant spot away from where she was before and laid out the blanket there to get comfortable. "Okay, hopefully that Duke Hoof'em jerk will leave me alone." She laid back and started too looked up into the sky to continue watching the air show.

"Ah much quieter and about 20 percent cooler…" she said to herself as she put some sunglasses on.

"You're not 20 percent cooler. You're 20 percent hotter!" a rough voice said mockingly.

Rainbow Dash's eyes went wide behind her sunglasses and looked up to see Duke once again over her. "Man, Duke, leave me alone!"

"Now surely there's something I can do?" he countered "Usually, I don't like taking no for an answer."

At this point Rainbow punched him in the muzzle with her hoof and it made him back off. He grabbed his sore muzzle as the mare started her way back to where she originally was, leaving the blanket behind this time. He shook his head and quickly ran to her.

Rainbow removed her sunglasses, throwing them into the ground and glared at the stallion as he got by her "Okay now you're just being desperate. This isn't funny anymore."

"I'm not being despite baby I just got balls of steel!"

"Um…yeah so did my Coltfriend at one point." Duke raised a brow at that. Not so much the Coltfriend but what the part about him previously was having said alloy genitals. If anything that was confusing in and of itself.

"Look Duke seriously, leave me alone! I already have a Coltfriend alright!" and with that she made her leave once again.

"Damn it." Was all the stallion said leaving the sight that didn't work "Hmm…looks like I'm going to have to try a different strategy." He looked about to see if he could make a crisis of some sort.

"Standard mare in distress!" Duke smirked widely.

_-Roughly two hours later-_

"Ah, great way to spend an afternoon." Rainbow said to herself as she got up from the blanket and started to roll up the blanket.

Not too far from her, a dark figure came from behind. Majority of the ponies at the park had already had left so there wasn't a likely chance of being seen. He came closely as she put the rolled up blanket in her mouth and then started on her way. Just then she heard a crack.

She turned around and saw no one. "Hmm…" She continued on her way and ignored it. The figure continued to creep closer and closer. The mare slowed her pace and kept her ears sharp for any noise that seemed out of the way. The figure slowed down as well trying her best to keep her with pace without her finding out.

The figure drew closer keeping everything in check. He looked at his hoof before finally making his strike. He smirked looking at the now quite dirt and out of the loud slowing grass as she continued out of the park.

"You're mine…"

The figure jumped into the air an-

*buck*

"Ow!" The stallion said as he was thrown back on his rear, looking up to see that the mare he was stalking just bucked him hard in the face. The mare was not happy with him at all.

"Alright what the hay?" Rainbow Dash demanded out of the stallion. The stallion was just a blue earth pony with a brown mane and blue eyes.

The stallion chuckled nervously as he tried to slide back on the ground "It was just supposed to be a joke!" The stallion defended putting his hoofs up to block against any other incoming attacks.

"A joke? How the hay is stalking on a mare a joke!" The irritated blue pegasus yelled.

"You let her go!" Duke yelled armed with shotgun on his side "Oh you'll enjoy some shot served lead."

The pegasus glared at the pony, which made the stallion run away quickly but the she quickly changed it to a 'suggestive' smile. "Oh looks like I was saved by the great Duke Hoof'em" she walked over to him in slow feminine manner in her step.

"Ohh, I like where this is going." Duke smirked, it was all coming together.

"After all, a big Stallion like yourself needs a little reward for saving me from that stalker." Rainbow continued as she rubbed her tail under his chin as she walked around him.

"That's right, Shake it baby."

The mare then walked right next to him and was upperhoofed by the mare in the jaw. This was followed by a buck in the face, thus breaking his sunglasses, and was then rammed in the stomach making him fly back yards.

The mare shook her head and let out an annoyed smirked "Seriously Duke, leave. Me. ALONE!" and with that she grabbed her blanket and went on her way home.

Duke was left there with a hurt jaw, broken sunglasses, and still trying to catch his breath. This really didn't effect him, he'd been through far worse, but this was the most he could think of as far as a mare has done to him.

"…Maybe I'm trying too hard."

"Well if it isn't the mighty Duke Hoof'em." Duke turned around to see a silver stallion with a black mane and red eyes looming over with saddle narrow cannons on the side, one of them charging up, Duke knew who this was. "It seems that this one needs to be put in his place…knowing that mare is with this little stallion"

"…"

* * *

><p>Not my favorite either but that's because of the more implied implications and that's only because well...it is Duke.<p> 


	5. Fluttershy

**[Post Stars Dashing] Fluttershy**

It was late noon in Ponyville; most ponies were still in the middle of their usual schedules that pertain to their occupation. The market was busy as well as most of the town with things like Sugar Cube corner and other attractions of the town were busy from their usual attractions of the day, keeping all the ponies in town busy.

One thing that Duke Hoof'em was not currently a part of, the stallion didn't really have much of a job when living here in Ponyville. Other than a few points where the town was in trouble or something that required the safety of the planet, the stallion practically had all the free time in the world.

And at this point the stallion didn't want much to do with the hustle and bustle that the small town offered and decided to head for the outskirts. The stallion didn't have much luck with the mares in the town, so he decided to try out and look for the mares available out of the town. He was told from some stallions that there are a small number of mares outside of the town and was willing to give a try.

The stallion had been in the town for about half a year and nothing seemed to work in the stallion's favor. Duke had tried everything he could think of and at one point, he gave up before the mare could even think of getting with him.

So with limited success from inside the town, he decided to go check and see if the mares outside the town were any better. He was aware that the farmer mare that he has met up with a few times lived outside of the town but at least she tolerated him and at times they could hold a somewhat friendly conversation with.

So going on some information he told about a zebra in the Everfree Forest that was fairly attractive and seeing that she lived alone in the forest he was more than willing to give it a try.

Duke walked along the road to the forest hoping to make some kind of progress with the mare. The path was one of simple vegetation and small animals but he paid no mind, he was looking forward to looking meeting the mare.

As he was meeting the outskirts of the forest, he noticed a small brown, green, and red cottage there, just outside the forest. There were several bird houses, and other items for small animals. He raised a brow in interest as he didn't expect to see any homes near here, especially considering all the humors he's heard about the forest.

He was about to continue walking down to the forest till the front door suddenly opened. He watched as a pegasus mare with yellow fur and a long pink mane walked out carrying a small bag of bird seed in her mouth.

Duke's eyes widen behind his glasses as he watched the small mare flew to a small bird and pored in some bird seed. He smirked as he continued to watch the mare. Duke had to admit, this mare was quite a looker and he was more than willing to give this one a try. He could've sworn he'd seen her before awhile back but didn't dwell on it.

"Oh" The mare said noticing the stallion staring at her and at the same time startling her "Sorry…um…I didn't see you there…"

Duke couldn't help but smile genuinely at the timid mare's reaction but that didn't deter him from his ultimate goal. "Sorry, I was just admiring your…" while Duke wasn't the most intelligent pony, he certainly knew that being straight forward would not be a good way to approach the mare "…the animals around the house."

"Oh." The mare replied "I just take care of them." She put the small bag of bird seed down "Um, I'm Fluttershy, do you need anything?"

"My name's Duke Hoof'em," he introduced rapidly as he puffed out his chest. Unfortunately, his particular act had the opposite effect he was going for. The mare flew up into a hover with a light but sharp "Eep!"

'Damn it' the stallion cursed internally, he wasn't trying to scare her away. "Sorry, I didn't mean to do that." He said gently.

"Oh, its okay, I'm sorry I got startled, you're not mad at me are you? Please don't be mad at me!" The yellow mare cried.

Duke made a light chuckle "No, I'm not mad, but…I would like to know you a bit better." The stallion now had a wide grin.

"Um…okay." The timid mare said as she landed back down on the ground lightly though was actually still a bit cautious. She was currently speaking to a stallion she knew nothing about other than his name. But the general appearance of the stallion intimidates the mare. The stallion was bigger than most stallions and was armed, she was well aware of firearms since the incident with Starscream awhile ago back. On top of that, his eyes were covered and his chest was covered in ammunition. "What would you like to know?"

"Hmm…" the stallion said in wonder "How long have you been living here?"

"Um…since I was a filly actually…" The shy pegasus took a step back, showing she really wasn't comfortable with this.

Duke noticed this and saw that small talk wasn't going to be working in his favor. "How about-"

"Um…listen um…Duke I'm sorry but I really must get back to the house, Angel and all the animals inside need to be fed, oh please don't be mad."

"It's okay." Duke said with a small smile but inwardly he was annoyed "Bye."

With that, the pegasus quickly grabbed the bag of bird seed and flew back to the house but did wave her hoof good bye to him before closing the door. Duke got annoyed however as he walked away from the house, at this point he wanted to try again with this mare. He didn't care about the zebra anymore, besides, the shyness actually attracted Duke.

_-Next Day-_

It was now early morning and the start of the weekend for some ponies. And like usual Duke was out in the open, looking a mare. However, unlike usual, he had plans for a specific mare this time.

Duke made his way to Fluttershy's home expecting to make a better impression. He had to say the aqua eyed colored mare left an impression on the hardened stallion and her timid nature drew his interest even more.

The stallion followed the same path but later noticed a light impression of hoofprints embedded on the ground that coming from the house when he arrived. He raised a brow but easily moved along and followed the trail. He moved on following the long trail that conveniently stayed away from the small local town.

Within fifteen minuets, Duke made it to what seemed to be the end of the line for the small trip. He came across an apple farm and for some reason, he felt like this was a place he'd remember for sometime or rather, should remember. He really didn't know why.

He browsed about the trees though never crossing the fence though and only looked on from the trail. After a few moments, he noticed an open barn and saw the yellow timid Pegasus coming out of it and carrying a small saddle with supplies, animal food perhaps.

Duke smirked as he approached her and climbing over the fence "Hey babe!"

"Eep!" The Pegasus shuttered as she took a step back and turned to him. Even after calming down, she was still a little frightened from the stallion. After all she hardly knew him, though she did remember him. "Oh, it's you…"

"Of course Fluttershy, I'd go anywhere you go baby!"

"Oh…um…"

"Now come on Baby, I'm sure you'll be happy to know I'd like you to accompany me." Duke felt this was both forced and a bit rushing into it, but he waited all night for this.

"Oh…oh! Um…sorry to say Mister Hoof'em but um…I already have a coltfriend." Fluttershy replied.

"A coltfriend huh?" The dark stallion said aloud "I bet your coltfriend is a pussy! I could kick his ass!"

Just as he made this statement to her he noticed a large shadow looming over him. The action hero turned around to see what was causing it and was met up with a large stallion, a bit bigger than he was actually, as well as more muscular. The stallion was mostly red, green eyes, and an orange mane. He had half a green apple cutie mark and was currently glaring at him. Duke didn't need to be told that this was her coltfriend.

"Can Ah help you with something?" the larger stallion asked with a deep voice.

Duke blinked behind his sunglasses and stood silent for a moment just staring at the larger stallion. "Hmm…I outta break a-"

*POW*

Duke flew back into an idol tree that was on the farm and leaving an indent in the tree. The black stallion shook his head as he got out of the tree and he glared being his black sunglasses at the larger stallion.

"It's time kick flank and chew hay…and I'm all out of hay."

Within a short time Duke acquired a small supply of firearms. Usually Duke wouldn't stoop so low as to use guns against another unarmed pony, but Duke's usual cocky and for the most part intimidating stature wasn't going to work. This stallion was larger than he was (a feat he didn't think was possible till now) and he could tell that he was going to be protecting the yellow mare he had his sights on.

In some ways he actually did respect stallions like this one. For one, he actually was honest; the stallion already had proven that he was going to be protecting the mare. Also it was the fact that he was committing to a single mare that cared for him and he clearly cared for her. He wasn't after mating. But Duke wasn't that kind of stallion, he needed more than a single mare and he didn't have time to commit to a single mare. A stallion like him need something invigorating, new and constant, he needed pleasure not commitment with it.

The Action Hero looked over to the farm where main entrance was. The larger stallion was currently pulling a large plow. His target, the timid yellow pegasus, was gently flying by the stallion. Though he couldn't hear them, he could tell that the two were talking, not yapping continually but they were conversing.

"Oh my, do you need a drink?" Fluttershy asked as she noticed how heavily sweating the stallion working.

"I'll be okay." Macintosh assured the concerned marefriend.

"Nonesense!" Fluttershy lightly scolded "Hydration is very important! Let me go get you something to drink." And with that the mare flew to the Apple's home.

The red stallion tried to say something but it was too late. He only smiled at his caring marefriend as he quickly took a hoof to wipe off some excess sweat off his head and continued pulling the plow.

"Alright" Duke said to himself as he walked toward the working stallion "It's time to show some serious firepower baby!" He chuckled to himself, he was currently armed with his signature golden Colt 1911 and over his back was his handy shotgun. He knew it would take more than a simple handgun to scare off this big guy.

He didn't want to kill him. While Duke had no problem offing any foolish pony or alien that threatened him or any innocent, but he didn't kill innocents…his moral imperative wasn't that out of whack.

He chuckled as he loomed over fence where he saw the stallion working. He black earth pony jumped over the fence high and adjusted the string on his hoof to let out a shot. Just as he was about to reach the apex of his jump, he realized he didn't jump high enough. His back leg hit the top of the fence making him lose his balance. He accidentally let off a shot with his handgun that was conveniently aiming at the metal gutter and the bullet ricocheted off and hit a branch over a tree he was near.

At this moment the stallion was on his stomach with his back hoofs in the air in an uncomfortable position but was too annoyed to do anything about. Just as this transpired, he noticed the rapidly falling branch came down and fell out of his neck. And just to add insult to injury, a few apples fell on his head as well.

"This sucks…"

In the distance Macintosh turned toward to loud sound but didn't know what it was. At this moment, the kind pegasus returned with a small tray and a glass of apple juice. "What was that?" she asked nervously from the very loud bang.

"Probably just some 'ol rodent messing with some farm equipment, nothing to worry about."

An hour later, Duke got himself out under the branch was no longer willing to play this nice. If one were to consider using firearms as a scare tactic as being nice that is. But Duke wasn't going to be messing some weapons. He realized that he was going to have to be more…direct. Hoof to hoof!

While he doubted that Big Macintosh was a fighter, he was clearly much stronger than he was. And the only natural way to get by this was by being stronger. And that is where his current plan leads him to. He smirked as he pulled out a bottle of 'HOOF'EM-RX'. It was a white bottle with a label name on it with its name as well as his own head smirking.

"It looks like it's time for me to go Postal!" He chuckled as he popped open the lid and poured the pills in his mouth and swallowed them in one gulp. Almost instantly, he felt his heart start racing and his muscles growing. His confident smirk turned to a growling anger.

"Now we're ending this…the mare is mine…"

The now energized and overpowered stallion ran through the fence he previously couldn't jump over and ran toward the working stallion. The large red stallion turned around and noticed the charging stallion. Macintosh reacted quickly; he unhooked himself from the plow and jumped out of the way. Duke easily pushed the plow out of the way, knocking it over.

"Now what is your problem?" Macintosh asked as he noticed the very much angry Earth pony.

"Hand over the mare…" he growled intensely.

"Now I know what ya'll are after and Ah'm not letting you take advantage of her like that." The red stallion made clear as his green eyes glared through Duke's sunglasses.

"You had your chance." Duke growled as he grinded his teeth as he walked closer "I'm going to rip your head off and s-"

"Stop!" a female voice called out. Immediately, a yellow mare flew in-front of the black stallion. The earth pony took a step back as the mare glared at him "How dare you! Come in and attempt to start a fight!"

"Don't worry baby! I'm-"

"I'm not your baby!" At this point the yellow pegasus stared at the stallion right in the eyes. The stare felt like it pierced through his sunglasses. The stallion took a noticeable step back and his stature weakened as all the adrenaline from the muscle enhancer seemed to just disappear as did is normal strength. He literally felt like jelly as the mare's eyes continued to pierce through his.

"Uh…r-r-right…" Duke attempted to utter silently.

"Now will you kindly leave the farm and leave me and Macintosh alone from now on?" she asked sweetly but firmly.

"Y-yeah…" the stallion uttered as he took a few steps back as he then turned around and stumped over himself as he attempted to run off the farm.

The pegasus let out a tired sigh and turned around to see smiling big red stallion looking back at her "Well will you look at that? Looks like you didn't need my help after all."

The shy mare let out small embarrassed giggle as she hid behind her mane. Macintosh made a small chuckle as he walked over to her and nuzzled her though her mane. "I hope I didn't scare him too much…"

Macintosh chuckled again lightly "He'll be alright Sugarcube…"

* * *

><p>Not really Hearts and Hooves Day thing like I planned but it will suffice. Actually I had most of this written back in July last year during an My Little Pony Convention I was at. I didn't forget about it, I was just working on Friendship is Magic, When All Are One most of the time. But because of the holiday, and need to change my thought process for a moment, I decided to finally finish it. Hope you like it!<p> 


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